The Responsibility of Bumper Stickers

You may not be aware of this, but with each application of a bumper sticker on your car, there comes a responsibility.

When your bumper sticker suggests that you are vegan, people are on the watch just in case you're wearing new leather pumps and a stiff new Coach bag.

When your bumper sticker has a confederate flag on it, we're scrutinizing your car for traces of blood and are looking out for your tooth-to-tattoo ratio. And, if you could wear camo just to complete our stereotype, that'd be awesome, thanks.

But this one is important... if your bumper sticker suggests that you are a "hottie" or has phrases suggesting that you are frequently pursued by men but not easily attained such as "You Wish!", "Sexy Mama", or "Too Hot For You"... we expect you to be hot. And, not just a little hot, but a lot hot.

Let me go further and be completely honest-- when someone has stickers like this, I will go out of my way to see what sort of a creature is lurking behind the steering wheel and how they got such stellar self-esteem. Frequently, it's some cigarette- smoking version of this that I find...

Look, I'm all about self-esteem no matter where it comes from. Feeling good about yourself is key to a happy life. But, the way you choose to advertise directly impacts peoples' expectations and may raise the bar slightly further than we'd like.

Another example!

I drive a lot. Hours a day, in fact. And, driving that often, you get to interact briefly with a lot of people-- many of them probably reasonably intelligent people for most of the day-- but put them in their cars and add distraction, emotion, desperation, or rain and these same people become irrational, unpredictable, unsafe villians in steel-coated missles.

Yes, they make me angry. I have a few key names I like to assign to these same people for idiotic driving behaviors, sure. And, I yell them as I pass by, or mumble them if I'm trying something new.

But!

When one of these same people has a bumper sticker arrogantly applied to their vehicle saying things such as "Stupid People Suck", or "You Can't Fix Stupid"... I'm livid, or appreciative immediately.

If I take it to mean that they're excusing their own stupidity, then I appreciate the self-awareness and can cut a bit of slack. (We all know I love self-awareness.) However, if I take it to mean that they find themselves smarter than the readers of the bumper sticker, now we are facing a complete dissonance and I'm angered by the pure arrogance of assigning one's self a "smart" title when it is clearly undeserved. Or, only deserved when the car is NOT in motion which, incidentally, is when they put the bumper sticker on but NOT when it is utilized.

Over about the last 20 years, I've come to become extremely fond of one bumper sticker and one only... it has delicious self-awareness, a twist of arrogance, a splash of humor, and a pinch of "fuck you." It is, simply...

The few times I've seen it, I've always wanted to see the driver just so I could see who has all these awesome qualities in such delicate layers.

It should go without saying, but your bumper sticker says a lot about you. Apply them carefully, because we're applying the stereotypes to match.