Jehr-rey, come see the bay-bee!

If you're the happily childless friend of a new mother, you secretly dread the moment that you feel the full weight of obligation to go and gush over the new baby.

You're not really sure what to say (past the usual "beautiful", "precious", "adorable", "perfect" stand-bys), and the new mom isn't quite up for discussing your latest sexual excursion with the guy you met at that hippy-laden coffee shop in the next town over. You're not into kids, but you want in the worst way to be excited for her... but after the pleasantries, now what? So starts the concern that she'll never be just your friend ever again.

So, now there's me. I'm basically the girl I described above (minus the hippy sex romp), except I'm the one about to have a kid. I view my situation through the eyes of someone about to lose their friend and it's both frustrating and confusing.

On the one hand, I'm excited for my new mom status! But, I'm not one of those people that requires everyone she's ever met to stare at her offspring with the biggest smile they can muster and run through the rolodex of compliments just to make her happy. I feel like I'm on obligation-filling and bullshit alert overtime. This may make me paranoid, but just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're not reading the situations correctly.

Even Seinfeld famously documented this inflicted obligation in an episode titled "The Hamptons." This was the one where a couple (woman with extreme version of Long Island accent) invited the gang to come to the Hamptons to see her recently birthed baby. They begrudgingly went, pointing out, "well, at least we get a weekend in the Hamptons out of it."

On the other hand, I balance between making sure people are welcome and that we'd like to have them around and making them feel as though they are expected to come drive out to see her when it's not something they want to do on their own.

I'm ok with people seeing our daughter when they want to... if they want to. Afterall, we're the ones that wanted kids right now, not them. And the friends of mine that are excited have already made this sentiment known. Then there's the group in the middle that is so hyperaware of societal norms that they feign excitement with ease and timeliness, but go no further. It's this group that I am not sure how to handle.

Do I invite them over after the baby's born or will this just create an obligation and some awkwardness because they live at such a distance? (Because again, no need to see the child for my sake, but the invitation is there.) Or, do I just announce the birth and wait for them to ask to come visit/meet up? I prefer the latter, but is that exclusionary? I don't want them to think I'm the one dividing my life into the childless and child-laden.

I could just summarize this by saying I think too much, which would be accurate and always has been, but on the other hand, I don't think I'm wrong either.

I hate creating obligations for people who would prefer not to have them. I do so because, on the other side of the fence, I hate when they are created for me.