In Law Psychological Warfare

My mother-in-law let us know it was time for battle once again when she emailed my husband this past week: "If you are available on Sunday, I'd like to come up."

Of course, we took exception to the way this was written-- as though she's making an appointment with a customer service organization. But, this posed the usual dilemma...how to appear to be accepting the visit request without having to actually do the visit?

And then it hit us! Psychological warfare.

Let's be honest. This is a woman who probably saw her son 3-4 times a year at most in the years leading up to us having a child. This is another source of tension. It has seemed as though she wouldn't put in any time or effort (despite multiple offers to visit at her house) for her own child, but we knew the second we had a baby in the picture, she was gonna want to be...(hit the spotlights!)...GRANDMOTHER EXTRAORDINAIRE! Not havin' it.

Sorry! You don't get to drop your kid like a bad habit when he stops feeding your ego and producing adorable pictures to show your friends in mass emailed family newsletters. (Yes, really.)

So, we concocted the plan of plans. I like to call it The Big Intention Test for Crazy Hens. (B.I.T.C.H. for short.) It all took place by email.

My husband writes this email to her...

"Hey Mom,
Sure you can come up! Maya will be away with the wife all weekend, but I'd love to see you."

OK, so here's the plan. Truth was, both Maya and I were going to be present. We figured that because Maya wouldn't be there, she'd turn down the invitation. If, by some chance, she did NOT turn down the invitation, then he could feel good about her willingness to see her son and he would reveal that her granddaughter would indeed be present (because of the snow) afterall! Voila!

Positive reinforcement. *CLICK* Cookie.

We waited for a response. Days went by, and then finally on Saturday night after 2 feet of snow, this came in:

"Let me see how the roads are. If you want to make plans for yourself, feel free."

To give her credit, this was smarter than she usually is. She didn't come out and say no, but it was pretty close.

On Sunday she emailed and said that she would be spending time doing errands with her mother instead. Hard to be mad at that 'cause she barely makes any effort with her own mother so it was good to see she was at least doing something along the lines of being a good family member, but, my husband was kind of bummed that she didn't even bother to include him in the plans, want to come see him, or anything of the sort. But eventually, you stop being surprised.

This time, we won the battle. But I think, for my husband, the war is starting to wear him down. Sometimes the B.I.T.C.H. shows you things you didn't want to know. Beware.